if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it

I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend yesterday. Out of nowhere, he started asking me questions. One of these questions was 'what achievements are you most proud of?'. I found myself having trouble answering this question, simply because I do not consider any of my "achievements" as immense. This realisation was, to be honest, rather hard to swallow. It made me aware of everything I tried to achieve, without success. I have been thinking about my own mistakes ever since. I reckon this was not really his intention, but I guess it is just me being a pessimist.

My parents split up two years ago, a fact pretty much everyone knows by now. Even though I always tried to handle it the right way, I still think I didn't ever did a really great job. I take things too personally, meaning I tend to overreact pretty easily sometimes. I always wondered why this divorce and everything it brought along seemed so much harder for me to handle than, for instance, my sister. I think I figured out why, I guess I just care too much. I decided to work on that, though I did recently realise it takes more than that. Old habits die hard, eh?
We do have issues, and I know things will never be the same again. Yet for some reason, despite everything, I do hope things will work out sooner or later. Perhaps we will, eventually, become one big happy family. Or not.

Another thing I dislike about myself, is my indecisiveness. My dearest friends know exactly what I am talking about. I tend to over think everything, I am always afraid of the consequences, and so on. I recognise the symptoms by now, mostly consisting out of avoidance and denial. Never will I know for sure if I will ever pick up the skills to ease the "decision-making-process", one can only hope.

I know this story is fairly irrelevant to you guys, though this just needed to be said. Written. For my own sake, hoping I will become even more aware of the circumstances. And also, just for the heck of it.