It is not officially part of the present, solely in my mind the matter is too vivid to deal with. Whenever I am confronted with it, my mind slips into this "logic-not-allowed" mode. It reminds me of my past and my present, where I reckon that I have to try harder. To be the person I believe you want to be seen with, the one who slipped away and got replaced by a mere simpler version. Reason does not really have anything to do with it, it is all predicated upon my own suspense. That would presumably be the thing I am least proud of, still being obsessed with perfection.
I do not believe there is anything that could fade the image, yet I hope time will make it fade. I wish I could say that I refuse to let it get to me. Or let her take away my hope again, the way she has many times before. However, I am afraid I am already letting it happen. And that's what makes me so angry, knowing I will have to make the sacrifice. It will be me who will suffer because of this. One way or another.
I do not believe there is anything that could fade the image, yet I hope time will make it fade. I wish I could say that I refuse to let it get to me. Or let her take away my hope again, the way she has many times before. However, I am afraid I am already letting it happen. And that's what makes me so angry, knowing I will have to make the sacrifice. It will be me who will suffer because of this. One way or another.
You already know what I think, regardless I think you're doing good at trying to be rational. Reality is hard to think about in these kind of situations, but it is your world now, and you're the only one who can decide whether to let it pass or let it get to you. (However, I will always be there for a cup of coffee, when in need.)
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