a twist in my story

you are the twist in my story.
I used to think that love was complete horse-shit - and you just had to prove me wrong. *that's so you :)*

because as I discovered, love is the thing, you know.
unconditional, heartrending, devastating, completing, petrifying love.

sometimes you feel so lucky, so happy, so on top of the world.
sometimes you feel like this obsessed being dying to be with that one significant other, so lonely, vulnerable, so terrified.
I don't know about you guys, but no matter how much love makes or breaks me,
I love every minute of it.

the pain, the pleasure.- it sure is addictive.
I can't get enough.
after everything we've been through, after all the mistakes I made,
after spending hours, days, months without you, I still love you.

people tell me I'm too young to know what I want, that we'll go separate ways and that we're not strong enough to survive.
they tell me it's a waste of precious time, and at last they ask me:
"why the HELL would you put yourself through all that?" - it's simple.

he's the only one worth waiting for.


"Tes yeux, j'en rêve jour et nuit"

dealbreakers?

In life we often face things that are unpleasant or maybe even horrible. there is always something in the way... always something keeping you from fulfilling your dreams or following your whatevers. (fill in yourself).
an obstacle I'd like to call the "dealbreakers" in life. yes, I hate the word, but only because of what it means to me.

I hate dealbreakers. I hate something or someone standing in my way. I mean you all know what I'm talking about right. Maybe someone telling you to think things through first, or someone keeping you from getting what you want because its theirs, or someone telling you what to do because they "think they know what's best".. Oh and I bet I forgot about maybe 500 other possibilities/situations, so help me out here.. (: (or don't.. whatevaah)

Well dear people, what I'm about to tell you may shock you because of my harshness (I can't help it if you're uptight *no offense though*)

I'm so sick of the dominant dealbreakers in my life. trying to tell me what to do because they think they know better because they're older. (age is an illusion people, it's all about experience) I officially stop listening to those people, we all have dreams we need to pursue in order to be happy.. the road to happiness may be long, but do not stop. and the dealbreakers you might face on your way may form rocks, or maybe even huge obstacles that seem impossible to overcome, but don't let it pull you down. fight to survive.

yeaaah that's my advice,

fight back people, break the dealbreakers. <3

old habits die hard

I am reconsidering. I am unaware of the risks I'm taking, I am not thinking straight but frankly just saying whatever occurs to me. I am being way too honest, so straight forward.
I don't know why, but yet I still realize that what I am doing is wrong yet right. (I think they call that confusion, perplexity, disarrangement or whatever you prefer).

and the stupidest thing of all is that I have done this before. I have been complicating things like this, I have been mixing things up in the past. So yes, I do know what the price will be like and yes I do know that it involves some unpleasant eyeopeners and suchlike. but you know what? I don't really care.. well yeah, I do care, because I know that it ain't that smart to act like this. but the people I really do care about, and that are worth it because they are still here after everything we went through, they are still there. I love them, I care for them, I shelter them.

we're at the age of (un)innocence. what we do, the mistakes we make now, will it really affect our future? I don't really think so.
So let's make and break, let's make the same mistakes over and over again until we learn from it, let's tore down what we built up.sometimes in life, you need some spice. 
(read; excitement, risks, hazardous, renewal.. etc.)
- in moderation. cause there are still some boundaries, limits and so one you need to take into account.

so spread that spiciness, bring up the heat! (: <3

change is a magical thing

hello dear people, it most certainly has been a while!
and I'm not even gonna try to justify myself, cause i have absolutely no good reason for not posting anything. but i figured that no one would actually care, so I modified my own level of "careness" to "not caring". oh that does sound pretty mean, but I, of course, still love all of you.

well school just started about a week ago, and so far, it has been exhausting as FUCK. or maybe I'm tired because I really need to catch up on my sleep, but I prefer blaming school over my active party-life. shit went down, shit changed, shit was unexpected. But yeah that happens from time to time, you realize that you're letting go of things/people, and holding on to new, exciting things. it hurts to let go of the past, but I think that we're better off that way. it only changed or went away because it wasn't strong enough to survive.. so I don't even bother trying to hold on to the people that are slipping away from me, it costs so much energy. energy that I basically just don't have or want to waste.
"and that my friend, is what I like to call, C-L-O-S-U-R-E"


but on the other side, I am proud to say that there are things I am very happy about! reconnecting with friends, working on school... I mean yes, I hate the fact that school has been a part of me for so long and yes I sometimes do feel like not doing any homework, but I also want to graduate. it's the last and final year, and it would be such a waste to screw it up now.. we've come so far, we will make it til the very end!

but I seriously have to go to bed now, because I slept for about an hour during the weekend. yes it's my fault and no I don't give a care! we had fun, we did not sleep, IT WAS WORTH IT!


cheers! <3

control it, or it will control you

one of many reasons why we give up on things, is the feeling that it controls us instead of us controlling "it".
but ain't it just a matter of grabbing that fear by the balls and say


"I will go for it, I will make it work, I'm here to stay, and I won't let anybody get in my way"


the ability to control, the ability to trust.
keep up the faith guys, don't let them pull you down that easily.


spread the hope, we all need it! :)

why doubt?

because sometimes, you just really don't know.

chance favors only the prepared mind

well hello there! it most certainly has been a while. that wasn't the plan, but well, shit happens right? so anyways, I'm back from italy. it was awesome out there. I even learned some italian baby. :) isn't italian just a beautiful language? I'd love to talk about something in particular, but I'm having a hard time thinking of something. my mind is just not really working that well lately. but hey I don't wanna bother you guys with a useless story, so I will try my very best to make it "read-worthy".


if there's one thing I can't do, it's making choices.. I'm always scared of making the wrong decision. letting go of the best people, holding on to those who aren't worth the fight.. it's pretty fucking hard to tell the difference, because I can be very naive.. I trust people way too quickly, and most of the time they aren't trustable after all. and as soon as someone shows up that's completely there for me, loves me and would never let me down, I get scared. how fucked up is that? and I do believe that carefully thinking things through is very important. and if you ask me, it is one long process;


first you have to get used to the fact that you have to make a decision, maybe even one that could change your life for good.
then you have to think of the pro's and con's. what could I get outta going for it? is there a chance it might be for nothing? is it worth the risk? will I regret it if I give up? - stuff like that.
and áfter that you're not even done, oh no. you have to be very careful with that stuff. you might forget one or two things so you better check your pro's and con's once (or twice for those who tend to forget)


and after thinking things through and over, you will finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. you can finally call yourself "prepared" for the confrontation.
yeah of course there's a chance that you made the wrong decision after all, but when that happens, do not drown in your mistakes.


you can try to figure out what went wrong, analyze every single part of "the mistake", trying to put back the pieces, justifying what could have or would have happened "if - blablabla" or you can leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.


it's harsh, but it works. - sometimes.