yeah man, I keep messin' with y'all. because I assured you that my previous post would be the last one before I leave, but as you see, that was in fact, a deception. oh I'm so unpredictable, hehe. so anyway. but I ain't posting this for nothing, I have a specific subject in mind. to sum it up, it's pretty much about the past and letting go. it is so hard to let go of things, memories, people. but sometimes you just have to in order to move on.
I'm sure we all know how it feels, regret and remorse. blaming yourself for things you should or shouldn't have done. it's so hard to let it go and try again, or find another goal you want to reach. I've sure experienced it. I hate letting go of things, I hate saying goodbye. because sometimes you just know that "the goodbye" is forever. and that's just so painful.. grief, pain, remorse, regret, sorrow, affliction, we all have to go through it at least once in our life. god, even writing those words makes me feel sad. :(
but hey, there is just something I have to share with you guys. Sometimes you just have to let go in order to move on, sometimes you have no choice but to let go. that doesn't mean you have to get over it right away, take all the time you need.. it's a process, not a sudden event. it takes time, and that's okay. and like I said in my previous post, never wonder what the hell went wrong, because then a second chance might never come along. and that would be a complete waste now wouldn't it!
god I'm realizing that I'm totally overwriting my blog. guess it's a good thing I'm leaving for 2,5 weeks. :) cause I have to save some room, right?! so I'm putting a stop to this, and say goodbye to you guys. (yeah of course I realize there aren't a lot of people that read my blog, but still) have a nice summer and see you in a few weeks I guess! and I'm ending this story with french-stuff, related to the subject of course. :)
peut-être que le passé est comme une ancre qui nous retient. peut-être faut-il lâcher prise, se défaire de son ancien soi pour devenir son futur soi.
Wednesday, July 21
appreciate the underrated
so this is probably my last post before I leave for Italy on friday. yeaah, finally going on holiday. I'm so happy that I finally get to leave holland, even though it's only for 2 weeks. I'm so tired of the sucky weather out here.. I don't want rain, clouds and dreariness 6 days a week during summer, me no likey.
but there are some things I do likey. and, as you may know, one of those things is mind-blowing facts. i mean you read it and think, wow damn I knew that but never really realized it.. or thought about it.. you know? and, if you ask me, they're worth your time. there are lots of things in life everyone's taking for granted, and I ask myself, my god why?! I mean, if there's one thing you should never do, it's taking something or someone for granted. so this post is specially made for all those things in life we tend to take for granted.
let's appreciate more and underestimate less! :)
and now, I'd like to finish this post with the following.
but there are some things I do likey. and, as you may know, one of those things is mind-blowing facts. i mean you read it and think, wow damn I knew that but never really realized it.. or thought about it.. you know? and, if you ask me, they're worth your time. there are lots of things in life everyone's taking for granted, and I ask myself, my god why?! I mean, if there's one thing you should never do, it's taking something or someone for granted. so this post is specially made for all those things in life we tend to take for granted.
let's appreciate more and underestimate less! :)
- courage and bravery; for instance, having the guts to spill your guts. the truth is way more powerful than we all think, we are always wondering if the truth's the best way to go. or following your dreams, having the courage to fight for what you believe in. or doing your own thing, instead of following the crowd.
- opportunities; this is one of the major things that keep us from giving up. but we don't get new opportunities every day, and new windows won't open themselves. you have work for, and at it. don't waste an opportunity by underestimating it's uniqueness. but appreciate the chance and try your best. then if you still not get what you wanted in the end, don't keep wondering what the hell went wrong, 'cause then a second chance may never come along.
- love; yeah, it's tacky i know. but it's so true. we should appreciate our partners way more than we are. but only when it's true love, of course. sometimes I realize that I'm not appreciating my boyfriend, J, enough. he's so important to me and he changed my life, and he's always there for me. and I forget about that sometimes. I'm not saying you should show affection all the time (you don't have to become a suckup, because who likes those anyway?), but showing your appreciation every once in a while wouldn't hurt anyone. and not only do we depreciate our significant others. I'm talking about all those amazing people in your life that make your life worth living. :) that's why I keep repeating, SPREAD THE LOVE, WE ALL NEED IT! :D
and now, I'd like to finish this post with the following.
"it's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper" - jerry seinfeld
Sunday, July 18
it all seemed to make sense... once
my mind so full of questions,
but most answers still unkown.
often I am silent,
and do the things I had postponed.
'cause I realize my missteps,
all the things I should have done.
mostly during summer,
avoid the barrel of the gun.
yeah. that's what summer does to me. well, not exactly of course but I like to keep my poems light and eh.. vague.. I enjoy vagueness, mysteries. Yes, nebulosity. don't you think it's just.. awesome? I mean, no one really "gets" what you're trying to say, but that way nothing will ever sound like an insult or anything because hey, it was vague, so don't blame me right?
well anyways, I do realize that this poem-thingy-thing has absolutely no special value or anything but I just felt like writing something and tadam, there it was. A stupid poem about.. well... vagueness.
but I guess that's kind of my thing now isn't it, being vague. like I said, I think it's fun. not only because no one really understands your words, but also because I actually have no clue myself! sometimes I just say stuff and later on start thinking about it.. like,, what the hell was that all about? what was I thinking?
yeah, I'm so vague, that I get lost in my own words sometimes. isn't that just... weird and vague? and totally nebulous? oh now that I think about it, nebulosity is such an awesome word isn't it?
nebulosity.
ne-bu-lo-si-ty.
- oh god, that shit has "nebulous" written all over it
- well that's just.. too nebulous. get yourself a hobby, dude.
- that was nebulous on so many levels.
well that's it,.
you see, I did it again. you're thinking things like.. well that's 2 minutes of my life I'll never see again.. or.. well, I don't get you, you're kind of "nebulous and vague" if you ask me. or maybe you're looking up the word "nebulous" rightnow. (could be)
spread the nebulosity, we all need it (sometimes). <3
but most answers still unkown.
often I am silent,
and do the things I had postponed.
'cause I realize my missteps,
all the things I should have done.
mostly during summer,
avoid the barrel of the gun.
yeah. that's what summer does to me. well, not exactly of course but I like to keep my poems light and eh.. vague.. I enjoy vagueness, mysteries. Yes, nebulosity. don't you think it's just.. awesome? I mean, no one really "gets" what you're trying to say, but that way nothing will ever sound like an insult or anything because hey, it was vague, so don't blame me right?
well anyways, I do realize that this poem-thingy-thing has absolutely no special value or anything but I just felt like writing something and tadam, there it was. A stupid poem about.. well... vagueness.
but I guess that's kind of my thing now isn't it, being vague. like I said, I think it's fun. not only because no one really understands your words, but also because I actually have no clue myself! sometimes I just say stuff and later on start thinking about it.. like,, what the hell was that all about? what was I thinking?
yeah, I'm so vague, that I get lost in my own words sometimes. isn't that just... weird and vague? and totally nebulous? oh now that I think about it, nebulosity is such an awesome word isn't it?
nebulosity.
ne-bu-lo-si-ty.
- oh god, that shit has "nebulous" written all over it
- well that's just.. too nebulous. get yourself a hobby, dude.
- that was nebulous on so many levels.
well that's it,.
you see, I did it again. you're thinking things like.. well that's 2 minutes of my life I'll never see again.. or.. well, I don't get you, you're kind of "nebulous and vague" if you ask me. or maybe you're looking up the word "nebulous" rightnow. (could be)
spread the nebulosity, we all need it (sometimes). <3
Friday, July 16
sun, why did you leave us?
we love you so much, we've never hurt you on purpose.
so why? TELL ME WHY! you make me so desperate sometimes.
you're so unreliable, so shifty.
and the worst part is, is that we're still waiting for you, all the freakin' time.
so please, pleaaase, give us a reason to keep believing. <3
please?
so why? TELL ME WHY! you make me so desperate sometimes.
you're so unreliable, so shifty.
and the worst part is, is that we're still waiting for you, all the freakin' time.
so please, pleaaase, give us a reason to keep believing. <3
please?
Thursday, July 15
claptrap, also known as useless verbiage
okay I haven't posted anything in quite a while now, but I have a valid reason. my boyfriend came to visit me after spending six months in canada. so I was spending 6 days with him or so, which were so awesome by the way. It's so amazing that my love for him is still the same as it were before. If possible, I think I might love him even more. it's like everytime he's near, everybody else seems far away.. there's no one I'd rather be with.. I know I sound so cheesy and cliché right now, but it's actually true. I mean sure I know I'm only 17, but that doesn't say anything. it's not the age but the love that counts. I know this is for real.
only down part is, is that he's not from holland so we can't see each other very often, but I hope that that'll change. plan A is that he'll come live in amsterdam next year and study there. (let's keep those fingers crossed)
but I now realize that it's completely uninteresting for you guys to read about that sort of stuff, so I guess I should come up with something a little more exciting.... (don't get your hopes up right away though)
so about a week ago, I was thinking of something that I still believe to be a very interesting subject: honesty. being honest to one another, for example your significant other. like cheating. should we grab ourselves together and get over it or tell the truth and hurt that one special person? of course telling the truth would be the most honest thing to do. but how honest IS honesty? maybe coming clean is a selfish act, hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt. don't get me wrong, I personally think honesty is very important. but maybe it are the circumstances that truly matter. if the negative outcome outweighs the positive, you should probably keep your mouth shut. because what one doesn't know will never hurt them. but if you truly love someone, and feel a certain weight on your shoulders everytime you look at them, it's probably best to tell the truth. that way you'll always be a cheater, but at least you won't be a liar anymore.
and that, my friend, is what I'd like to call... random-incoherent rubbish. this story has no value whatsoever. it has nonsense written all over it. but well, who gives a care anyway?
only down part is, is that he's not from holland so we can't see each other very often, but I hope that that'll change. plan A is that he'll come live in amsterdam next year and study there. (let's keep those fingers crossed)
but I now realize that it's completely uninteresting for you guys to read about that sort of stuff, so I guess I should come up with something a little more exciting.... (don't get your hopes up right away though)
so about a week ago, I was thinking of something that I still believe to be a very interesting subject: honesty. being honest to one another, for example your significant other. like cheating. should we grab ourselves together and get over it or tell the truth and hurt that one special person? of course telling the truth would be the most honest thing to do. but how honest IS honesty? maybe coming clean is a selfish act, hurting someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt. don't get me wrong, I personally think honesty is very important. but maybe it are the circumstances that truly matter. if the negative outcome outweighs the positive, you should probably keep your mouth shut. because what one doesn't know will never hurt them. but if you truly love someone, and feel a certain weight on your shoulders everytime you look at them, it's probably best to tell the truth. that way you'll always be a cheater, but at least you won't be a liar anymore.
and that, my friend, is what I'd like to call... random-incoherent rubbish. this story has no value whatsoever. it has nonsense written all over it. but well, who gives a care anyway?
Wednesday, July 7
exhaustion's keeping me up
So lately I've been doing stuff pretty much every single day. I'm either at work or out in the city. And I'm not complaining, oh no, to the contrary. I'm very happy that I finally have the time to do all this sort of stuff.. but all these activities cost me a lot of energy, which forces me to drink lots of coffee, which makes me too energetic to go to sleep which makes me very tired which makes me drink lots of cafeine which keeps me up which makes me do stuff.. see where I'm going? In a way, it's just a vicious cycle that makes me tired yet full of energy. isn't that just crazy?
So I've been doing crazy stuff lately, not unhealthy crazy but crazy enough to embarass some people.. So one night I was out in the city with some friends, and we were standing in front of a restaurant with seats facing to the window. So those people were looking at us, and we were just hanging out and stuff.. when all of a sudden I get the urge to crash into this window (and by that I do not mean really crashing into the window, but just pressing my face against the glass.. hmm I thought that would sound less weird than crashing into it, but I guess I was wrong). So I said to my friend F, hey, do you wanna know what it's like to scare the shit out of those people? so yeah she's pretty much as crazy as I am so we did it, and oh god it was hilarious. well probably not for you guys, guess you had to be there. But hey, we didn't even scare them. Afterwards they told us that it was the best meal they ever had. (: so yeah, we're just very entertaining without even trying to be! yeah i know, we're thàt good.
and yesterday I had fun as well, with my friend H. first we had to work pretty much all day (yay us!), but after that we went to Leidsesquare to watch soccer. and yes, we made it to the finals. but I guess that pretty much the whole wide world knows that by now.. but anyway, it was fun. Because we hadn't done anything just the two of us in suuuuch a long time, and I thought it was so fun. yeah babe, if you're reading this, we should so do that again sometime.
but hey thats all folks, my hands are too tired... but hey, no time to rest, lots of plans for today (:
and take my advice, and just spread the fucking love already. ;] <3
So I've been doing crazy stuff lately, not unhealthy crazy but crazy enough to embarass some people.. So one night I was out in the city with some friends, and we were standing in front of a restaurant with seats facing to the window. So those people were looking at us, and we were just hanging out and stuff.. when all of a sudden I get the urge to crash into this window (and by that I do not mean really crashing into the window, but just pressing my face against the glass.. hmm I thought that would sound less weird than crashing into it, but I guess I was wrong). So I said to my friend F, hey, do you wanna know what it's like to scare the shit out of those people? so yeah she's pretty much as crazy as I am so we did it, and oh god it was hilarious. well probably not for you guys, guess you had to be there. But hey, we didn't even scare them. Afterwards they told us that it was the best meal they ever had. (: so yeah, we're just very entertaining without even trying to be! yeah i know, we're thàt good.
and yesterday I had fun as well, with my friend H. first we had to work pretty much all day (yay us!), but after that we went to Leidsesquare to watch soccer. and yes, we made it to the finals. but I guess that pretty much the whole wide world knows that by now.. but anyway, it was fun. Because we hadn't done anything just the two of us in suuuuch a long time, and I thought it was so fun. yeah babe, if you're reading this, we should so do that again sometime.
but hey thats all folks, my hands are too tired... but hey, no time to rest, lots of plans for today (:
and take my advice, and just spread the fucking love already. ;] <3
Monday, July 5
drama drama drama
oh don't we all just hate drama.. Funny thing is, we cause it ourselves.. fuck I hate causing drama. I mean I know people say things like "everything happens for a reason"or "you learn something from every mistake", but I'm not sure that that's actually true. Sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again, without learning anything. Well that's how it feels anyway.. I wish I'd learned something the first time around, and I did, but apparently it wasn't enough. God I hate myself for doing all this, I hate myself for making it so hard for you to love me. I mean it's just so lame, because everything about this situation is totally and completely wrong and messed up. Nothing I did was done the right day, I should've done everything different. Oh I can be so stupid, dammit, damn me.
Okay, I just realized that I'm complaining to my computer, and it wasn't my intention to turn this blog into a pessimistic bunch of stories. Hmm, I should definitely try to change that. Oh I'm having such a hard time typing, this is just not normal anymore. I have quite a hangover, yeah. I so have to explain how that happened to you later, because it was such a crazy fucking night. :p definitely a night to remember! <3
Okay, I just realized that I'm complaining to my computer, and it wasn't my intention to turn this blog into a pessimistic bunch of stories. Hmm, I should definitely try to change that. Oh I'm having such a hard time typing, this is just not normal anymore. I have quite a hangover, yeah. I so have to explain how that happened to you later, because it was such a crazy fucking night. :p definitely a night to remember! <3
Friday, July 2
we're all gonna die, but I've got a helmet
so today I was just hanging around, you know, not really doing anything.. but not bored, oh no, just a little of that and a little of this. you know what I'm talking about right? well I'll tell you exactly what happened to me. I was thinking of great things, oh yeah, such great things. So many people who are just so awesome and I get to be their friend. well that thought just made me very happy. but then I wondered, what's gonna happen to us? What will our future be like? Will we still be part of each others lives, or not? Will we become whom we want to be?
I can just picture certain people doing things they're really good at already. Like my friend N., who's just such a great artist. They all have their own passion and dreams, and I'm just wondering if they'll ever make them come true. I hope they will, they've sure got the talent.
I was asking myself all these questions, and of course, there's no way I'll actually get an answer any time soon. (which is just.. great) But I thought it would be fun to take a minute and think about it (yeah I have fun on my own, sometimes. I'm weird, I know people).
So I guess it's all just a matter of time. But one thing's for sure, we're all gonna die in the end! (hence the title)
I can just picture certain people doing things they're really good at already. Like my friend N., who's just such a great artist. They all have their own passion and dreams, and I'm just wondering if they'll ever make them come true. I hope they will, they've sure got the talent.
I was asking myself all these questions, and of course, there's no way I'll actually get an answer any time soon. (which is just.. great) But I thought it would be fun to take a minute and think about it (yeah I have fun on my own, sometimes. I'm weird, I know people).
So I guess it's all just a matter of time. But one thing's for sure, we're all gonna die in the end! (hence the title)
Thursday, July 1
the curious case of randomness
oh don't we all just love summer? the sun, freedom and well... do I need to say more?
And the fact that it's still bright outside after 10pm forces me to stay up so late, that I'm actually very tired all the time. but that's not a problem, the sun helps me through the day. :) but talking about that great season we like to call summer wasn't actually part of the plan. So I'll inform you, before you completly get lost in this story: the subject is about to change.
Now something completely different. Lately I've been hanging out with old friends. I mean, we see each other all the time, but stopped doing the "hanging out" part a few years ago. But now we rediscovered that, and I'm so happy that we did! It's funny really, I never thought we'd still have so much in common! So yeah, that's just something that's been on my mind. :)
So, I don't think this blog made you any wiser nor happier. But I guess we all have those days, on which you just don't have anything to talk about really. But randomness can be fun! I mean, I know an awesome blog about randomness (yes that contained a hint of advertisement, but frankly dear, I just don't give a damn. This entire story doesn't make any sense anyway so I might as well try to make the best of it).
Well I gotta go now, the sun's waiting for me.
<3 spread the love (with care)!
And the fact that it's still bright outside after 10pm forces me to stay up so late, that I'm actually very tired all the time. but that's not a problem, the sun helps me through the day. :) but talking about that great season we like to call summer wasn't actually part of the plan. So I'll inform you, before you completly get lost in this story: the subject is about to change.
so, now that I said that I had a specific subject I desperately needed to talk about, I better think of something. School's done, so nothing interesting there. I've been really busy, though. So that's why I haven't posted anything in quite a while.. My days consist out of work and friends. Yes, that is all. I don't know, what else is there to do? I mean I love my friends, and I love earning money. :) *who doesn't anyway?*
Oh, I feel like a total rebel now. Everyone's always talking about something specific on their blogs and here I am, just rambling on about nothing. Now something completely different. Lately I've been hanging out with old friends. I mean, we see each other all the time, but stopped doing the "hanging out" part a few years ago. But now we rediscovered that, and I'm so happy that we did! It's funny really, I never thought we'd still have so much in common! So yeah, that's just something that's been on my mind. :)
So, I don't think this blog made you any wiser nor happier. But I guess we all have those days, on which you just don't have anything to talk about really. But randomness can be fun! I mean, I know an awesome blog about randomness (yes that contained a hint of advertisement, but frankly dear, I just don't give a damn. This entire story doesn't make any sense anyway so I might as well try to make the best of it).
Well I gotta go now, the sun's waiting for me.
<3 spread the love (with care)!
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