so be it.

I have been here before. So many times. This is not the first time I tried everything I could possibly think of, and definitely not the first time I feel like  none of those things are paying off. You are not the first one to stand in those shoes, neither is this the first time I feel like I am the only one to blame. You pull me closer, while in the meantime all you do is push me away.

I probably should have let go of you a long time ago, or maybe I should have never gotten myself into this mess in the first place. That would have spared me a lot of guilt and frustration, but that is just not who I am, nor desire to be. I keep trusting people blindly,  adjust my sails to those of the ones I love which often affects me more than they realise.

You are not the first one to leave me behind, nor will you be the last. However, this is the first time I refuse to let it bring me down.  I have learned to let go and be stronger, and I will no longer let anyone make a fool out of me. I would keep fighting for you, if you were actually the person you think you are.  I may be forgiving and modest, but there is a voice screaming inside of me. A voice telling me not to listen to a single word you say, and I shall obey.

.