oh, the horror..

oh, how the white void drained me. 


winter wonderland may be a marvelous miracle from an optimistic point of view,
but unfortunately enough, it's not from where I'm standing.
I'd rather be in a place that's not as monotonous and chilly. 
in my opinion, this white surface works like a reflection of thoughts. 
(and in my case, regrets and guilt.)
I just hope the rest of you guys are in a much happier place, and that the luminous snow is strengthening that power.

trust your instinct

Sometimes, I let my emotions get the best of me.

Sometimes, I feel the urge to hurt him on purpose, just to find out if he cares enough to stay.

Sometimes, I wish I were as innocent and undamaged as most people think I am when they first meet me.

Sometimes, I am a complete contradiction of the person I desire to be.

Sometimes, I pretend that I just want to get the hell out of this place while in the meantime these people are all I care about.

Sometimes, I feel so cursed to care so much about people who are so far away.

Right now, I am realizing that time is moving forward and that in 6 months, the story that took us 6 years to create, will end.

Right now, I realize that I care way more about those I never realized were that important to me.

I will miss them.

let it be

Bzzz. This is an intervention. Someone whispered words of wisdom. :)

Yes dear people, I apprehend that my life has flipped. I realize that about a year ago, my life was completely different. Because, to be honest, I don't care about the same people anymore. I'm starting to see that the people I used to be so fond of are actually not the best choice for me. They're still great people, don't get me wrong, but they're just not my cup of tea if you know what I mean. Well that happens right, and I now have other people I care about. Maybe even more.

I realized that my home situation has changed too.
It's a complicated business, but I will explain my previous home situation for you, in a nutshell;
parents fighting - dad leaving the house - 8 months later the actual split up - mom not that jolly (my personal understatement of the day) - nurturing my mom for about a year and a half - and so on.
to sum up, it was, basically, the very famous "parents break-up story".
But now I'm starting to see that I don't care as much as I used to. I came to realize that my roots are just kind of messy and that parents are humans too. :)

SO, I started this entry by suggesting it would turn out to be an intervention. Well I had a reason for using that word. Firstly, I just hoped it would force you to keep reading, as I haven't been around a lot lately and are starting to get the feeling that my blog is a huge neglect. But more important, the reason I chose the word 'intervention' is because I decided that I am no longer devoting myself to those who are not worth it anymore. Sure, we had great times, and I've loved and hated being important to them and them being important to me. But they changed and to be honest, I don't really feel the same either. :)
Alright I admit it, maybe I shouldn't have gone with 'intervention' after all.


But HEY, I'm just really happy that I still have a handful of great old friends!
Like my very sensitive, insecure, passionate, favorite girlfrieeend. Too bad we're currently separated by the sea.
and now, I am out of words. but I don't mind,
let it be, right? :)

delight the beauty that surrounds you

Sorry folks, I've been neglecting you once again. It's just that my mind seems so occupied lately. I've been sick all week, and I still feel pretty messed up. All the stuff I should have done, well.. I didn't do them.
you see, I have lots of obligations, and normally I appear to handle them pretty well. But right now I just feel like I'm not in control anymore, like it's impossible for me to accomplish something.


but today I decided it's time for a change. because my list of chores is getting longer and I'm ready to catch up. It will involve lots of studying, lots of writing and lots of precious time, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice.
and yes, I also realize that I'm not really aware of the beautiful things in life anymore. And I find appreciation really important, so that is something I don't enjoy. Hence the title.


I'm not saying I will make it work,
but I'm willing to give it a try.

TGI... Monday?

"monday is the day of the week between sunday and tuesday" . (my mind, blown.)
this is probably the best definition of monday, as some of us define it as the second day of the week while others refer to it as the first day, that shitty day on which either school or work just started, facing another following 4 days full of stress and obligations.

Monday is a spectacular word if you ask me. I feel both shitty and excited on mondays, inquisitive to find out what will happen while apathetically realizing I'm already tired, while the week hasn't even started yet. (which means I see monday as the first day of the week, in case you didn't realize)

Though now that I think about it, maybe "spectacular" is not the right word to define mondays (I, sometimes, incline to exaggerate a little). Maybe incoherent, or abysmal, conflicted, despicable or contradictory ...
...
indefinable?

anyhow, mondays may seem indefinable to me, I bet that's not the case for everyone.
but one thing's for certain; they will always be there, whether we like it or not. (:

<3

balderdash

prepare yourself for another sad and senseless entry... because I'm not really feeling the happy and "negligent" sphere just yet.
that's probably because I'm not feeling so happy myself. after studying my ass off for my exams (which actually paid off, thank god) I still feel exhausted and quite miserable. but I won't bore you with my current emotions, so I'm actually going to talk about something specific.

Often when people tell me about their problems, they tend to set boundaries before even trying. of course everyone has their rules and habits which are impossible to breach, but I often experience that things are not as 'black 'n white' as most of us tend to see them. I see rules as "relative", meaning:  every rule has an exception.
So my point is basically that, sometimes, you should maybe go easy on the negativity and at least try to change your ways. because who knows, you might succeed.. if something's bothering you, what's wrong with giving "change" a chance? :)

oh dammit, I'm so uninspired lately, I'm so sorry you guys. you guys are so good at coming up with something and here I am, rambling on about the first thing that comes to mind. don't you have any tips for me? to get my "inspiration" back? because I'm really not feeling it.
<3

the lost case of a lost soul

for some reason, I feel like I'm missing out. I mean it feels alright, but just not complete. all I do these days is study and traveling back and forth between my mom and dad. and basically, it's just driving me crazy. I barely socialize with the people I care about most..

I miss my boyfriend, I miss my dearest friends and... something else I can't define.. 

having fun, experiencing new things and meeting new people.. and the one person I love doing that stuff with is SOOOO far away! I just miss her so much. her humor, her loveliness, how we always experience something new and exciting and.. well, everything else. so babe, if you're reading this; I'm really really REALLY looking forward to seeing you again next month.. you're the beeeest! I'M SO JEALOUS OF ENGLAND! and I do hope you realize that I won't let you go back after your short visit.. you'll just have to stay by my side. forever. :)


yeah, that's really all I have to say.. studying doesn't make me particularly creative, nor funny. :x
but do not worry, in a few days, things will get better.. and if not, I'll just have to live with zero readers. :D